Monday, June 13, 2005

The Dildo Lamp

It is her lamp.

Technically. She reads this blog, so I'm hoping that my failure to mention that I've stolen her lamp will be excused because she'll read it here, and not wondered about when she sees them in my basement, looking marvelous, just like she knew they would, but in her living room and not my house.

About six months ago, my good friend and I were browsing through the store when she pointed out a lamp she liked. It was cute but didn't catch my eye. I didn't think about it again. Off and on, when discussing decorating, the subject of the lamp has come up. Again, nothing was tugging my heart strings. She told me her husband didn't like the lamp. We discussed how cute it would be (i.e., how wrong he was). Nothing.

Then, on a solo trip this weekend, I spied a beautiful lampshade that coordinated perfectly with the decor I'm putting into the family room in the basement. And the lampshade just happened to be attached to her lamp.

I walked away and browsed other aisles. I considered other lamps. I looked at shoes.

I really liked the lampshade. And I always thought the lamp was cute.

-No. Be strong. You are already planning to steal her candles in sand idea. You're going to display hand soap in the bathroom, just like she does. You've dreamt about her outdoor dining tablecloth for your pending deck more than once. You cannot! Steal! Her! Lamp!-

At the register, buying the lamp, I rationalized: she won't care. She'll think it's something we have in common. Only I will know that I am a bottom feeder, a copycat of the worst proportions, a person buying the lamp a friend has coveted for half a year and is still talking her husband into.

I received my punishment when I showed the lamp to my husband. He burst into laughter. "It looks like something people put up their ass," he crowed. I elected not to pursue the subject further. "Are you going to plug it in or sit on it?"

My husband swears that people will giggle hysterically when they see the lamp. I explained that not everyone watches HBO that late at night and huffed off to the basement with my lamps.

They are plugged in. They are beautiful. Now if I can just keep my friends and husband out of the basement.

For the record, here's a similar lamp. I love my lamps. :)

via

2 comments:

Tulips said...

He still hates the lamp. I am thrilled you have the lamp....and the Englishman has a dirty mind!!!

DBQ said...

HA! Englishman is right, but my, they are cute. ; )