Wednesday, August 10, 2005

Are You Ready For Some Football?

The relationship between men and football is more intricate than anything I've seen in my life. Symbiotic organisms have nothing on the Y chromosome and this game. I know this because I'm currently trying to buy football tickets for my husband's birthday, and I made the mistake of asking for opinions.

My plan: to send my husband to a Washington Redskins Football game with a pal. I figure he'll not only enjoy himself, but I will earn enough brownie points to cancel out whatever annoyances I contrive to present for at least the next six months.

My husband is more than just a football fan, he is a sports fan. He will watch anything in which people or teams are assigned points, timed, evaluated and judged. Because he is English, football lasts all year long. There is American Football in the fall, English Football seemingly every other season, Baseball, NASCAR, Formula One, Tennis, Cricket, Golf, Boxing, you name it. Squeezing in a Lifetime movie is a major coup in my house.

As such, this is important. I wanted to select from games which were far enough away for him to plan, but not so far in the future as to be distant. I narrowed it down to an October 23rd game against the San Francisco 49ers and a November 6th game against the Philadelphia Eagles, and I asked around.

Here's what I got (keep in mind these men never talked to or around each other and I am not making this up:

Man 1: The Eagles are a top team and a division rival, so he will be more interested in that game.
Man 2: Eagles?! Ugh, you'll pay a lot for those tickets! You can get the 9'ers game for less and include parking. Parking is important.
Man 3: Parking and tailgating is important - but wait, is he going with a group? You only really tailgate with a group.
Man 4: Nobody cares about tailgating really. A real football fan will want the best game - the Eagles.
Man 5: A real football fan won't care who the opponent is.
Man 6: Send him in a limo.
Man 7: The lower decks are where every guy wants to be.
Man 8: The lower decks are all hype. You pay too much and you can't see.

Please excuse me for a moment until the room stops spinning.

At this point, I am not sure if I shouldn't just purchase two $10 tickets to a local high school game and grill hot dogs in the backyard, or charter a plane and reserve seats for the next Superbowl. Clearly, whichever way I go, I won't be satisfying the needs of a real football fan.

And men think we have issues with shoes.

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