Wednesday, August 24, 2005

Make Love, Not Change (today's 2nd verse)

Despite the fact that I am married to one of these people, I will not be deterred from complaining about them. You know who you are: you are the people who search for exact change when you pay for something.

There are times when this is okay. Rather, there is a time when this is okay. If you are the only person standing in line, if absolutely no one is even threatening to join the line behind you, then please feel free to scrape the bottom of your purse for three pennies so you can save yourself the trouble of lugging around ninety-seven cents.

Otherwise...really, man. Off with your head. My husband will insist on providing the correct change regardless of the situation. If people really could shoot darts from their eyes, he would have one hell of a pockmarked ass. And despite the fact that he always, always, always provides exact change, he also always seems to have an endless supply so he can continue to annoy everyone in the supermarket line.

I was a victim today. It takes a lot to destroy a TJMaxx experience for me, and that 'lot' is almost always associated with the check out line. Today, the cashier forgot to provide change to a customer (she was probably in shock at the sight of cash...another financial thing I don't have in common with my beloved. I am rarely in possession of actual money). We all waited while the manager was called over to open the cash register and provide the woman with her dollar thirteen in change.

(Side note: another thing I don't understand is registers which will only open immediately after a transaction or if a manager opens them. They are counted at the end of the day, so cashiers are accountable for a certain sum of money. Do people really think that a cashier who blows all that to hell to steal won't just do it when the register pops open after ringing a purchase? And do they think that a person intent on robbing the store will hold a cashier at gunpoint demanding they open the register, but be quaking in their boots about doing the same to a store manager? What kind of power trip are the manufacturers of cash registers on??)

Anyway.

We are all waiting; the woman finally receives her change. We waited a long time. There is an unspoken rule in a line...once everyone has waited a long time once, the rest of us need to do everything in our power to prevent that from happening a second time to the same group of people. Am I the only one to have received this memo?

Apparently so, because the next woman in line proceeded to search deeply in her purse for exact change. And I mean exact. And I mean search, because it seemed that all her denominations were kept in different areas of her purse. So there was the search and extraction of dollars, then another search for silver coins, then a desperate search for pennies, all the while accompanied by her apologies to the cashier.

WHY was she apologizing to the cashier? The cashier is going to be there for hours. The other customers are the ones in a hurry to leave. I mean, really.

I don't understand it at all. Is change that heavy that it must be disposed of at every opportunity? The woman had a purse the size of a small toddler. I am confident she had items in her purse which far outweighed the quarters and pennies she was searching for. And think about it: if you have to search hard for the exact change, how much change could you really be carrying? When I have a lot of coins, coming up with change is really quite simple.

Maybe there are points awarded by banks to these people, and I'm just not aware. I'll try to focus on that... that when we retire, my husband is going to unveil this trillion dollar savings account he accumulated from the rewards given every time he made exact change.

Whoopsie... make that One Trillion Dollars, and ninety seven cents.

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