Thursday, November 12, 2009

The Battle Of The Sexes

This is another blog post I wrote long ago but never published. The nightstands mentioned are still holding steady in our guest room.

I hope we are not the only couple who come to startling revelations about each other after visits to Ikea.

I recently purchased two bedside tables from Ikea. We have limited space beside our bed, and the Ikea tables were not only the right size, they were significantly less than the only other properly sized tables I found, which were four hundred bucks. I took my plywood and veneer treasures home and announced that I would be putting them together that evening.

And that's when I found out that my husband is a male chauvinist hamhock.

"You're going to put these together by yourself?" he asked. "Well, let me just warn you that there are no extra parts. Alllll the parts are supposed to be used."

I asked him exactly what he was trying to say. He smirked and retreated behind the newspaper.

After dinner, I asked if he would help me carry the boxes upstairs so I could get to work. Practically patting me on the head, he said, very slowly, "Let's just see how you do with the first one, honey. THEN I'll bring the second one up."

Now I was pissed. I went upstairs, studied the pictures of the little cartoon man in the instructions, and put together quite a handy little side table, thank you very much. I showed it to my husband, who said, "Wow. Nice," and turned to go back downstairs. Silly man, thinking it would be that easy.

I suggested that since he was so handy with tools, had such virile power, was such a man , that maybe he should put together the second table.

Half an hour later I checked on him. Maybe it was because he had one eye on Monday night football. Maybe the little cartoon instructions didn't agree with him. He was holding two pieces at odd angles and asking me if I'd had trouble at this part too.

"Why no, honey. I didn't have any trouble at all." I got the hairy eyeball as I left the room.

In the end, both bedside tables were assembled and looked good. Although I swear: his is slightly rickety.

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