Monday, January 23, 2006

He Who Laughs Last

If I were a pig, I'd be telling the world to kiss both sides of my meaty ass.

For centuries, the pig has gotten a terrible rap. Entire religions ban the consumption of pigs. There are millions of people who would rather hurl themselves off a cliff than eat a sandwich with Canadian bacon.

And yet, it's the cow and the chicken which are gonna wipe us out.

I'm not trying to be alarmist. The reality is that it's not realistic to believe that there's about to be a pandemic of mad cow disease or bird flu, but if there is going to be a food which wipes out millions of people, it's not going to be the pig.

Do you realize what mad cow disease does? It creates pockmarks in your brain. As in, when they autopsy folks who have died of mad cow disease, there are Swiss cheese like holes throughout their gray matter. Symptoms of the disease include people forgetting things like which day arrives after Tuesday and hearing songs over and over again inside their heads. So it not only kills you, but makes you crazy first. I'm not entirely familiar with the symptoms of bird flu, other than the understanding that if I catch it, I will be jacked up.

And then we have swine. So what if pigs have been known to eat their own feces? Doesn't that boil out? Is there anything a little salt can't cure?

I personally don't like ham and would rather not sit down to eat at a table with a big roasted thigh with a bone sticking out of it, but I challenge anyone who claims that there is a better way to make a BLT than lettuce, tomato, and pig. Anyone?

I bet the farmyard is quite the drama fest now. Cows and Chickens ruled the proverbial roost, and now the pig is getting it's due. Way to go, porkers.

Just don't start lording it over the mule. That poor thing is always going to be an ass.

Hey - I hear you groaning. Stop that! :)

1 comment:

Dilly Dilly said...

heh heh, you said "jacked up." very funny!