Thursday, January 26, 2006

His Better Half?

Let's review.

Last Friday, I questioned my husband's commitment to our life plan, based wholly on his commitment to clean up the front yard. Saturday, I did not have sex with him. Ditto Sunday. I'd keep dittoing but I need to move on to some other crap.

Monday morning, I got a traffic ticket. For the record, I was absolutely and without dispute, in the right. According to my friends. According to the cop, I should have gotten a ticket, and so I did. Despite the fact that I was upset about the ticket, I am still not sure why I launched into a multiple hour bawl and heave fest, driving my car back home so I could invite my husband to look on with increasing alarm. I finally sent him off to work since I could not promise I'd stop crying anytime soon.

Tonight, I was to make dinner. I never make dinner. My husband always makes dinner. He makes meals with fancy sauces and homemade stuff. He uses things like bouillon and raw tomato. His cooking involves chopping, slicing, seasoning.

My cooking involves opening and heating. "Bring to a boil. Reduce heat. Cover and let simmer." He was working late. I had to cook. He asked for chicken Parmesan. I gave him pizza and salad. The salad, to my credit, was at least not pre-cut. The pizza was at least Bobili. I would have ordered out, but I would prefer my divorce attorney have at least some half assed ammunition.

I don't believe in reincarnation. Although I really want to. If I did, however, it is pretty clear who we must have been in a past life. Definitely Samson and Delilah. I will try not to draw any parallels to the fact that my husband, in this life, does not really have hair.

Anyway. It is also pretty clear that my punishment for sins in my past life is football season. And his punishment for sins in his past life?


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