Thursday, April 13, 2006

Reality Bites

Before I go any further with this post, I want to mention that we watch Sixty Minutes. And MSNBC. And CNN. We also read the newspaper daily. We are smart and cultured people.

Who recently finished watching the reunion episode of VH1's Flavor of Love. A reality series starring rapper Flavor Flav, who is in his fifties, as he seduced and eliminated intelligence challenged twentysomethings over a three month period. Yes. We watch Reality Television, and not even socially acceptable shows like American Idol. We have decided that, if we're going to watch smut, it's going to be good.

With Flav having chosen and been dumped by his beloved, we needed something else to chew on. VH1 delivered again. Now we are watching The Surreal Life. It is no coincidence that Flav is an alum of this show.

In short, we are watching television shows we are too ashamed to admit in public we are watching. Surreal is actually starring Sherman Hemsley, Florence Henderson, and a Playboy Bunny. All at once.

We did have pride and intellect once, but apparently it is gone.

Watching Reality TV has provided two key bits of insight, however, that we had both somehow missed during all those years of Masterpiece Theater (No. I will not stop it already with the italics). The two golden nuggets of knowledge:

1. Women hate each other. I mean, really, truly, blindly, blue haze and red funk hate each other. Put any two women in a room together, competing for the same prize, and their collective beauty, intelligence and talent ceases to be important. The prize could be anything. I mean really: Flavor Flav? Have you seen this man? Ensure your last meal is fully digested and then Google him. I very rarely call people ugly, but there really is no other fitting word. He looks like what would happen if the California Raisins procreated.

So yes... women. Hate. I'd failed to realize how quickly two women could be reduced to a screaming match. And if not a screaming match? The first opportunity one woman has to verbally meow her way down a list of faults for the other woman, she will take it. I am now glad that cameras don't follow my friends around. Would I even have friends? Or is there a subset of reality television women?

Moving on.

2. Men know that we hate each other. I am now convinced that this is why men get away with so much. They realize that we can never muster as much anger toward them as we can toward each other. I don't need to elaborate, do I?

I don't think I could be on Reality TV. First, very few people are allowed to see me without lip gloss. Second, I would be the only woman in the room questioning why The Bachelor had to come on television to get a date, good looks aside.

And last, I would not have time. I'll be too busy ordering TIVO so I won't miss a minute of Flav's second season.

And, of course, Sixty Minutes.

1 comment:

Liz said...

3) Women can also hock a loogie just as well as a man :D