Friday, June 16, 2006

America On Line

I think I can safely say that most people have no idea how to stand in (or on, depending on where you live in the USA) line. Find a line, and at least half the people in it will be attempting to disrupt it somehow. I'm beginning to think they do it on purpose.

Case in point: I'm in the Safeway, in the Express Lane. I'm already miffed with Safeway and their so-called 'Express' lane, because when I was growing up, 'Express' meant 'Fast'. Grocery stores put their fastest cashiers in the Express Lane. Not anymore. Now 'Express' means 'Challenged' and apparently the scanning deficient employees are the ones working the line. Perhaps because there's less for them to screw up. I don't know.

Anyway, the woman in front of me had a cart full of nearly forty items. I know, because I counted. She had tins of cat food stacked and was clearly trying to pretend that a stack of cat food counted as one item. They do not. I spent several minutes making pointed glances at her, her cart, and the 'Fifteen Items Or Fewer' sign over and again. She ignored me. And then had the gall to write a check. Why more people haven't gone postal in the Express lane is beyond me.

And then there's the airport. I wish they would include among their many signs the directive to pay attention. The amount of people who refuse to face forward astounds me. The line moves, and some idiot is standing there, looking into space, totally missing the rest of us behind him that are picking up our bags and ready to move. How can this be? Do these people not also have a plane which is scheduled to leave at a certain time? Even private jets have flight plans and take off times. I do not understand.

Worse, are the people who want to strike up a conversation. Why are we best friends now? The basis of our relationship is only that we are standing near the same latitude/longitude coordinate. People get divorced with more in common than that. You should really seek approval for your purchases and confirm that your ceramic teapot is indeed cute with actual friends, and not people in line with you. Lines are for reading magazines you don't intend to buy and daydreaming. I don't mind sharing the occasional glance as we both wonder why the hell we're yet again standing behind a person who insists on paying with exact change, but I don't want a commitment. Please don't talk to me.

I also want to suggest that people study the dynamics of the line before trying to enter it. Midstream is a lousy time to figure out that there is only one line and you are actually just standing with a bunch of other confused people headed nowhere. Do your research.

And watch where you point that cart.

1 comment:

kerry said...

Omg I always glare at people in the express lane - that shouldn't be there. I typically say "she/he must not be able to count" to the person behind me - who is also glaring. The people who can't count, can't hear either.