Friday, June 2, 2006

Men In Uniform

I have a confession to make: I have four moving men arriving next Tuesday, and I have no idea what to do with them.

I have kind of pretended to everyone else, and myself, that I have used moving men before. And I have, if "moving men" and "my boyfriends and my friend's husbands" are synonyms. Does it count if my boyfriends were professional movers? They weren't, but I wanted to check.

So after flouncing around and pretending that I've been a grown up all these years who did not pay for her moves with a large pepperoni and six pack of beer, I find myself in a glitch. I don't know what's expected of me on moving day from my four temporary employees, and I don't want to ask anyone who might know. Because then I might have to also admit that that Prada bag everyone complimented me on was actually purchased from the phony bag street vendor in Georgetown, that at fancy dinners I am always confused about which glass is mine (and have actually gone all night without drinking water if neither of my seatmates reached for their glass first to clue me in), or that my four hundred dollar a panel draperies were more like two hundred dollars for the pair. Ahem. On eBay.

In other words, objects in mirror are not as fabulous as they claim to be.

You can see how this is a problem. These men will arrive on Tuesday, and do I stand around? I assume I can't sit on the furniture, because they have to pick it up. I also assume that I am not expected to help, so currently, my plan is to stand around looking dumb, keep the water pitcher full, and pretend not to be looking when they have to carry my seven foot tall armoire to the truck in ninety degree heat. Because if I look, I'll apologize, and even I know that will be annoying.

I wish I owned an Ipod.

Normally, I would get through the situation by cracking open a bottle of wine and a book. All the books are packed, and the movers are arriving between 8:30 and 9:30 in the morning. Even I don't drink that early in the day, and I have to actually get in my car and go to the new house with them anyway.

Where I will at least have something to do, because then I can point at places where the furniture belongs. Not to say I'm not a little confused about that as well, because I am not sure where I should stand. Do I go to a room and stay there, or hang out outside giving instructions? And how will I manage to keep the water pitcher filled?

Maybe it's not this confusing. Maybe everything will just come together. And maybe I should order from Dominoes anyway.... just in case.

No comments: