Thursday, June 1, 2006

Packing Instructions

Now that we are five days from our move date, I have become a packing expert. It is my duty to share these notes from my experience.

How To Pack Up Your House


1. SIX WEEKS OUT
The first box. Wrap every object carefully in three to four pages of newsprint. Add tape to avoid unraveling. Place carefully in box padded with an inch of packing popcorn. Seal box with several strips of industrial strength packing tape. Label box with big, box letters using a shiny, moist new Magic Marker. Store box in corner of room, visible while watching television, as a highly satisfying reminder of how good a packer you are.

2. FIVE WEEKS OUT
Begin to use first box as coat and hat rack. Drape it in mother in law's quilt to avoid guilty feelings over how little else has been packed.

3. FOUR WEEKS OUT
Realize your move is scheduled at a horrible time, because all your packing must be done during May sweeps and season/series finales, which everyone knows are the best episodes of every program, ever. Decide that although you haven't watched Will & Grace for three years, you have to start watching now. Decide to pack all books, because they require no wrapping. Realize that drying out Magic Marker sounds increasingly like fingernails on a chalkboard each time you use it.

4. THREE WEEKS OUT
Spend two evenings feverishly packing after coworker reminds you you have three weeks left. Pack all soft items in the house: blankets, pillows, etc., because they do not require wrapping. Create cardboard Manhattan skyline replica in the living room from boxes. Feel accomplished.

5. TWO WEEKS OUT
Decide this is a good week to tackle closets. Again, no wrapping. Dump all shoes in massive cardboard box, then spend the rest of the evening digging back out the pairs you still want to wear for two more weeks. Assign husband to the basement, where he moves a lot of things around but does not quite manage to put anything in a box.

6. ONE WEEK OUT
Emergency of crisis proportions. Whole house is somehow unpacked, and everything requires wrapping. Ditch idea of well padded and carefully taped packaging. Decide that comic strip pages and Parade magazine are perfectly acceptable packing materials. Stop labeling things as Living Room and switch to acronyms like LR.

7. SIX DAYS OUT
Remember the existence of child. Child has only packed two boxes of his room. Throw sporting equipment, remote control cars and beanie caps pell mell into boxes. Plan to remember what KR (Kid's Room) stands for on moving day.

And this is where we are now. Tonight, we will do more haphazard wrapping and tossing into boxes. The idea that everything should arrive intact and unbroken is beginning to seem a bit anal. We still have wedding gift certificates with which to replace glassware, and so are actively considering hauling all remaining glasses and plates to the new house via a Hefty Bag.

Yep, I think we could go into business.

2 comments:

Laclos said...

cool :-)

kerry said...

OMG I can soooo relate.

Wait until the unpacking comes.

:(

and don't ever ask Kelly's mom to show you how she packed. OMG that woman is unreal. She had an itemized list of what was in every single box that they packed!