Tuesday, August 22, 2006

Conversations With Man

Tonight's post dinner conversation with my husband, pretty much verbatim (at least how I remember it):

Me: I want to work part time.
Him: Oh. Okay.
Me: Whether or not we have another child.
Him. Oh. Okay.
Me: Does this bother you?
Him: Is this a trick question?

I explain that I am being sincere. And then:

Me: It may seem like it's unfair, asking you to work full time, so I can work part time.
Me: But it is fair. Want to know why?
Him: Sure.
Me: Because you get to have the penis.
Him: WHAT?
Me: Here me out. I am not saying that being a man is better than being a woman. I'm saying there are some inherent, global benefits to being the person with the penis.
Him: Benefits such as?
Me: There are literally no countries where you are oppressed and having to cover your entire face to go to the grocery store. You can wear whatever you want, globally.
Him: This is true.
Me: And you never have to carry a child or breastfeed. Your contribution to getting a child is an orgasm.
Him: This is also true.
Me: And by sheer geography, you roll off the wet spot. You can choose to valiantly sleep on it, but it is a CHOICE. You aren't laying in it.
Him: Are we really having this conversation?

Me: So given those things....
Him: You should work part time?
Me: I mean, and you're white. I mean, come ON. I totally get extra benefits.
Him: (hysterical laughter)
Me: So you get me.
Him: Honey, you sound like you have penis envy.
Me: Not really. Who wants to be the one carrying the heavy stuff out of Lowe's? No thank you. But you have to admit, there are some benefits to having a penis. And I could choose to balance the scales some other way, but this will work.
Him: Ooookay.

Not sure if he took me seriously. I shall keep you posted. :D


MrGali said...

OMG - I would love to hear him say "Honey, you have penis envy" is his wonderful little accent... ;)

Bravo. And I may be using some of your defenses... ;)

kerry said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Champagne on Tuesdays said...

Kerry, it's in the cards!

PS I edited your comment because it had my first name in it. I'm sexier if mysterious. At least my jeans fit better. :P