Monday, September 18, 2006

Old Faithful

I was watching a Denzel Washington interview a few years ago, during which he crushed the hopes of thousands of women by saying, "I ain't NEVER leaving my wife. She may leave me, but I will NEVER leave her."

Of course, that probably made women want him even more, but I digress.

I am happy to report that I am married to a similarly devoted man. I know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that my husband will never leave me. Putting his character aside, I can be assured of this because of one truth: he is a Washington Redskins fan.

This is a guy who is used to winning football. He went to Alabama and Virginia Tech, for goodness sake. Nevertheless, this poor man has been watching this poor team get kicked around the field since he moved to the DC metro area. They used to be a powerhouse team. He didn't live here then. So essentially, he is holding on for dear life to what was, and what could be. He hunkers down every Sunday or Monday and coaches his team. From another room, he sounds kind of like this:

"Yes! Yesss! No, no, noooo! Get him! Ah, damn it, GET him!! Right! Right! I said, RIGHT! No! Bloody hell!"

I know things are getting bad when he starts peppering his coaching with all things English. My husband, the new American Citizen, was full of bloody hells, wankers, and bollocks yesterday as the Redskins kept politely handing the ball to the Dallas Cowboys.

Luckily, my sister didn't call. Usually, she calls after her team (The Ravens) win, and after the Redskins, or 'Deadskins' as she calls them, lose. She'll ask to speak to the "Loser Deadskins Fan, please" and hound my poor husband. He always responds the same way, "Wait til next week."

Yes. He is always waiting until next week. Apparently I could go out, sleep with five different men, a couple of women and get knocked up twice, and he would wait for next week until things get better. Maybe I can even stop wearing my good bras around the house. His loyalty is clearly unwavering.

I can see him now, being interviewed: "I ain't NEVER leaving my team."

Good times.

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