Thursday, April 12, 2007

How To Celebrate A Birthday In Corporate America

The following list are five things which are nearly guaranteed to happen at an office birthday party celebration.

1. THE CARD. A card will be passed around in an innocent looking manila file folder. At least one person will get irritated at the notion that the card is now in their custody & they are responsible for delivering it to someone else. The person who is last to sign the card will probably be the person who knows the birthday celebrant the least, which is unfortunate given they are the person who will likely deliver the card.

2. THE CAKE. If you have an office job, you have eaten more grocery store cakes than you can shake a stick at. With few exceptions, they all taste exactly the same. Regardless of flavor or color. Every now and then someone will think outside the box and pick up a Carvel ice cream cake. The little chocolate crumbly things have been exactly the same for three decades. The cake will be served on days when you've had the most carb laden lunch possible, and you will receive hoity toity glares if you refuse to eat a piece and make everyone else feel like lard asses.

3. THE KNIFE. At least one joke will be made about the person cutting the cake. It will usually be along the lines of "Uh, oh, Karen's got a knife!" Karen will then respond that everyone will have to be nice to her. Polite giggles will follow. Tips for cutting the perfect slice of cake will be offered, despite the fact that a rectangular cake is the easiest thing to cut in the food world. At least once every third birthday, the cake cutter will not remember to wipe away excess icing and the knife will begin to look disgusting, probably right before they cut the piece destined for you.

4. ADDITIONAL FOOD. There will always be at least one department who has to show off by buying extra food for the birthday party, as if they are throwing a party in their own house. They will buy chips and salsa and soda, and forget the ice. They will be really proud of their little party, and suggest that your department is full of slackers because the most unique thing you've ever done is buy the round Carvel cake instead of the rectangle.

5. ATMOSPHERE. At least one person will be completely unable to stop themselves from talking about work. They will find the person that no one else is talking to and hold a mini-project meeting. No one usually knows this person's birthday.

There are probably more, but unfortunately, I am just about to crash from my cake sugar high.


Jenni said...

This is so true. Though most of us will not agree to some parts of the post, but on an average the scene is pretty same I guess. Brilliantly written!!:)Cheers.

Alison said...

LOL. This is so true. No matter where I work, it is always the same...I love your writing!

Carol said...

Hey I liked your post! And since I have an office job, I agree that all cakes arranged for office birthday parties are almost the same, and you are most likely to have one when you are full!

Dilly said...

you are the best, I jsut love readong your posts!