Thursday, October 18, 2007

Fair Weather Fan

Like an invaded country raising a white flag, I had to give in to the quantity of football displayed in my house during season. If I want quality television time (quality being defined as television we can all watch together, instead of being in three seperate rooms shouting for each other to please turn the others sets down), I have to watch the game.

Fine. I started watching. And I've come to some conclusions.

I am all for the home team, but damn. Watching The Redskins these last couple of seasons is like going out with that guy you know is wrong for you. You know he's going to do or say something dumb or hurtful, yet for some reason, you pick up the phone when he calls. You go on the date. He does his dumb, hurtful thing. Then every now and again, he ceases to act like an ass and does something wonderful, giving you hope that perhaps he isn't going to stomp your heart into a million pieces ever again, and you spend the next cycle of awful dates waiting for the wonderful behavior to surface again. Rinse, repeat.

That's a 'Skins game. We watched them this past Sunday, playing the Cheesehead people. Neither team seemed particularly interested in actually playing a solid game. The Packers literally very relunctantly won. I know all of Green Bay felt the way I did: wondering why the hell they agreed to come on this date. I told my husband the game might be too emotional for me. At least with Lifetime movies, I know the outcome. The heroine will end up killing the bad guy in the last five minutes, get away with it, and the movie will end with strains of some unknown orchestra. With football, it's significantly less predictable. I'm not sure I can hang.

We flipped through channels (because, if you're a true football fan, I'm learning you can never just watch one game and be done with it. You have to flip during commercial breaks to see how teams located five hundred miles away from anywhere you've ever visited are faring). I noticed that the New England Patriots were embarrassing the Dallas Cowboys. New England had 47 points. Dallas had about negative two. Do you know how much you have to do to gain 47 points in football? A hell of a lot. That's the equivalent of six touchdowns. A touchdown, by my watch, takes approximately four weeks to implement.

I told my husband we should consider switching our allegiance to the Patriots. He was not on board with this idea. "Honey, you have to show some loyalty."

"But I'm new. I get to pick."

"New England doesn't score 47 points in every game."

"Still, I think we should give them a try. It's not like they have a specific location name, either. Technically, we are ALL a NEW England."

That's when he started ignoring me.

It's okay. I still think I should get to pick, since this is the first time in my nearly four decades I have really started to pay attention. I'm going to give it a few more Sundays, and then I will announce my decision. I mean, why did I get married if I'm still going to have pissy relationships?

Exactly.

1 comment:

RPF said...

While it's true that your husband may love the Redskins more than you, at least he loves you more than the Nationals.