Saturday, September 26, 2009

Face The Nation

I've compared notes, and it seems most people north of thirty (and quite a few chronological southeners) have had a similar experience with Facebook. So let's get to it:

A Year's Evolution of Facebook For Grownups

Month One:
You ignore it.
Because the first person you heard about this Facebook thing from was a teenager, you immediately determined that it was not a website you needed to be concerned with. You might have slunk to the young adult reading section for your copy of Twilight (wearing sunglasses, natch); possibly you own more than a few tops from Macy's junior section, but there is a line. You have LinkedIn. It's for grownups.

Month Two:
You ignore it some more.
Someone at a cocktail party brings up this Facebook thing, and they are not eighteen. They consider themselves too well read to sink to the level of teenaged vampire romances and have on a Jil Sander dress. Too late, however, because you have now decided it's cooler to continue to ignore Facebook. You note, with just a hint of disdain, that your niece has a Facebook page, and change the subject to your blog.

Month Three:
So maybe you will just go look at someone's Facebook page. This requires an account, but really, what's the harm? You create a barebones account. No photo. Ten or so friends. You poke someone.

Month Four:
You add a profile picture. You join groups for your grad school, college, high school, middle school, elementary school and summer camp's alumni.

Month Five:
You have two hundred and thirty four friends. You log on regularly and glow when you see the number.

Month Six:
You have two hundred and twenty nine friends. Elections happened. Things were posted to walls. You realize you are not entirely politically compatible with your neighbor's sister's dog walker or the girl who sat next to you in Biology twenty years ago, so you de-friend them immediately.

Month Seven:
You begin to get picky about who you will send friend requests to, and who you will accept as friends. You decide only people that you regularly interact with on a daily basis will make the cut. You turn a blind eye to two hundred people currently on your friend list who do not meet this description.

Month Eight:
Someone at work comments on those photos you were tagged in the last night of your girl's weekend. You quickly become an expert in Facebook Security Settings and Friend Lists.

Month Eight and a Half:
Everyone at work starts asking you why they can no longer post to your wall or see your photos.

Month Nine:
You wonder if you are the only person who updates your status multiple times a day. You deliberately refrain from updating your status to create the appearance that you have a life.

Month Ten:
Your parents mention a possible interest in a Facebook account. You feign disinterest, but immediately form a plan to add them to the same list as your work colleagues if they ever join.

Month Eleven:
By now, you're checking Facebook before you check email or voicemail. You have a enough hours logged to officially be an expert on Facebook annoyances (quizzes!), are on level two hundred in Mafia Wars and recently purchased a lovely cottage for your property in Farm Town.

Month Twelve:
Your Facebook Anniversary will pass unnoticed. You are too busy sending out birthday greetings to one hundred ninety six people who never before received so much as a birthday text from you. A distant friend just had a baby and you must comment on the photos she posts. There is a burgeoning political debate on another friend's wall that may result in you defriending two people, and this must be taken under careful consideration. Also, Kleenex is recalling all the lotion enhanced tissues they sold between January and April and were it not for Facebook, how would you ever have known.

Facebook? You Like This.


Two Shorten the Road said...

So true. For me, I'd add "mock people who enthusiastically discuss their Facebook pages" to month two.

Tulips said...

MzManners? I Like This.