Monday, November 23, 2009

I've been driving for a long time, and I think I finally figured out why certain people do not or will not use a blinker to indicate a coming turn or lane change.

Side comment: First, let's all thank God that these people do not have a choice when it comes to using brake lights.

Alrighty. As far as I can figure, being a reasonable gal and all, if you are not using turn signals consistently, you either fall into the below list or do not like your car/paint color/spinal column and want a replacement. And you don't like mine, either, but I digress.

1. You are in the Witness Protection Program and believe you have been compromised. Any one of us could be henchmen for Uncle Sally and you'd prefer not to give us a head's up on your destination. I'm tooling around in a station wagon with car seats in the back, but this could be a cover. I understand. You are excused.

2. Your turn signals are broken. Sure, you're driving a late model Mercedes Benz that just rolled off the truck yesterday, but nothing in life is one hundred percent. You would absolutely use the blinkers on your 2010 7 Series if the darn things were working. I understand. You are excused.

3. You lack opposable thumbs. Perhaps it was a lawn accident; perhaps you are an escapee from the National Zoo and are just trying to get from A to B without a hassle. Animal rights and all that. Gripping the steering wheel is already a chore, using a pincher grasp on that little stick would be asking too much. I do want to point out that it comes on even if you just flick it with your wrist, but that's okay. I understand. You are excused.

4. You are mad at me. Maybe I inadvertently cut you off, or perhaps you're annoyed that I refused to go 90 in a 30MPH zone. Whatever the case, you passed me, and now here's your chance to issue a disproportionate response by causing a multi-car pileup. During rush hour. Emotions are so pesky; always popping up during stressful times like when you're riding along in leather and wood burled comfort instead of having to make a three day trek to Washington via horse and buggy. I understand. You are excused.

5. You have mommy or daddy issues. I'm not sure what the direct correlation between turn signals and your tumultuous parent/child relationship are, but I'm sure there must be one, so I understand. You are also excused.

If you do not fall into one of the categories, well, then, I do not understand. Perhaps you can help. Do you like surprising people? The sound of squealing brakes? Are you psychic, and therefore assume everyone else is?

If you'll share the secret, I promise not to tell. I realize secret sharing is a lot to ask of a person who will not even let us know of the intent to blaze into our lane at highway speed, but I'm optimistic.

I figure if I'm still alive after driving near you, the odds have gotta be with me.

2 comments:

Jeff said...

I just stumbled upon your blog through the next blog feature. I just wanted to say that I enjoyed this post. I thought it was clever.

I hope you have a great day!

MzMannerz said...

Thank you, Jeff!