Friday, April 30, 2010

Captain Mannerz

I call my husband a pilot, because he's so good at making piles.

I know. Corny. But so, so true. While he's nowhere near the level of the hoarders you see on television, he does have a way of wanting to keep things around. He says he's being frugal, and you know - I'm all for frugal, but there is a line.

We bought a vacuum cleaner two weeks ago, and the old vacuum cleaner is still in the house. Not just in the house, but still stored as if it will be used. The first time I questioned this, he told me he was saving it to use in the attic.

I have never heard of vacuuming an empty, crawl space attic, but I don't know everything.

The second time, he said he was planning to use it in the garage.


Our garage, like most garages, has a concrete floor that responds very well to a broom. Using a vacuum cleaner in a garage is also not a concept I'm familiar with. Yes, I've heard of shop vacs. A Hoover seems, somehow, overkill.

I really want him to throw our old vacuum cleaner away, but I have a feeling it might become like our VCR. Not the one rarely used but still hooked up in the family room, I'm talking about the one that resides on our bedroom floor, behind the door. I think it's there in case two of us decide to watch a VHS tape at the same time, which ignores the fact that in seven years, we've collectively watched a VHS tape approximately twice.

I'm not entirely innocent of the hoarding habit, given my jewelry box and it's little drawer of mismatched earrings and loose stones that I swear I'm going to do something with one day, but do you see how my hoard fits into a jewelry box, and his hoards are, well, a vacuum cleaner, a VCR, a coffee shop chair, a large box of research papers from the master's degree he completed more than a decade ago?

His stuff is too big.

My mother used to get rid of things while my father was at work. He rarely noticed. I tried this with a rattan stool that screamed in horror if you even looked like you were going to sit in it. My husband thought the stool would come in handy eventually, and insisted we keep it.

It's been gone for a month. He hasn't noticed.

Anyone need a VCR?

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