Sunday, May 9, 2010

Mother's Day

Today is the end of my eighteenth mother's day. I capped the day by taking my oldest child back to his dorm (he came home to celebrate the day with me, because he is awesome).

All day I've been reflecting on the girl I was when I became a  mother, and where inside me she still lurks. I wonder if, meeting her now, we would become friends. I have a hard time remembering her. The details are fuzzy. What did she have for breakfast (probably cereal, but what kind?). How did she wear her hair? What did she dream about at night?

I remember the large pieces, certain activities, and there are the photographs to bring back some of the smaller details, but by and large that girl and I are strangers. I'm nearly as unfamiliar with her as my soon to be nineteen year old is unfamiliar with the baby she rocked to sleep at night.

In eighteen more years, Mother's Day 2028, I'll probably be a mother in law. Possibly a grandmother. My oldest child will be a year younger than I am now. My youngest children will just have celebrated their twentieth birthdays. And I wonder: who is that woman? What will she eat for breakfast? How will she wear her hair? What will she dream about at night?

Perhaps I'll still have this blog to look back on, to help fill in the blanks about MzMannerz circa 2010. Perhaps my son, old enough now to remember, will tell me some of the details I'm forgetting. Maybe my husband will look at me over the dinner table, and say, "Remember when we used to....?"

Whatever I remember, whoever I am now, one thing I want 2010 me to tell 2029 me, on Mother's Day: you were happy on Mother's Day 1993. You were happy on Mother's Day 2010. The common denominator? The undeserved favor, blessings and luck bestowed on you when three souls chose you as the vessel to enter life. It has meant everything. It is, simply, everything.

Thank you three for a beautiful mother's day.

3 comments:

L. Duncan said...

Wow...This makes me think about a few things! I don't know if I would like the girl I was prior to having children. She was a young woman who could care less about children (having her own). She wanted to be a career driven woman who came home to her husband for dinner, hang out with friends, and not have to worry about responsabilities other than the ones that would benefit her.

I can not imagine my life now without my boys. And eventhough I went through a bit of depression from having them back to back, I would do it all over again if I would be blessed with the same rambunctious boys! Its amazing how you think you know what you want for yourself and then realize that your life has much more meaning and purpose than anything you could dream up!

Happy Mother's Day my friend. I really enjoy reading your posts! I also enjoy your comments on my blog especially when you're on your *soap box*!!!

have a great night...

Tulips said...

This made me tear up. I know I'd love MzMannerz circa 1993, 2010 or 2028....

Brenna said...

This brought tears to my eyes, too! Certainly you're blessed by those sweet souls who call you mommy; likewise THEY are blessed to have such an amazing woman in their lives. We should all be so lucky! I'm glad our paths have crossed and hope that I continue to be tuned in to your voice for many years to come--your writing vibrates with life and love.