Wednesday, June 26, 2013

A Half Year Anniversary

I don't usually keep track of how long I've been blogging, so imagine my surprise when I decided to peek at the date of my first post. It was Thursday, January 20th, 2005.

I've been blogging for eight and a half years.

My first blog sentence was hardly an eye opener:

Here I am, blogging. 

I haven't checked to confirm, but I'm pretty sure I've been blogging longer than any blogger I read. Nevertheless, my blog is a cyber graveyard where I bury some words that are then walked over by a silent audience I wouldn't know existed if not for Google Analytics.

I feel guilty, sometimes, that I know that people have come here when perhaps, they didn't want me to know, even if I only know the broadest demographic strokes about their existence. Like the fact that most of my readers use Google Chrome and that this week, I've had more visitors from Russia than any other country.

I feel frustrated, too, that comments are rarely left. In the beginning, my blog was a journal, and I wrote for myself. Blogging itself was new, and I didn't give it much thought. Somehow, I gained a tiny following anyway.

And then I stopped blogging. Life happened, boredom happened, pregnancy happened. I wrote a book. I began several others. I blogged less and less frequently until I was down to  eight posts for the entirety of 2008, and then my blog went completely dark for fifteen months.

Occasionally during that time, I tried different formats and new blogs - one focusing on writing and music -  but nothing stuck. I decided to come back to the essay-style blogging I'd began with, sprinkling in my musings on various interests when it suited me.

I've never joined a blogging network like Blogher, with the exception of Bloglovin', which is how I read other blogs so I figured why not.

I've never really networked with other bloggers. Blogging seems like a giant sorority/fraternity that you can only gain entry to if invited. I've never been good at that sort of thing, preferring my relationships to grow organically. I haven't done anything to warrant an invitation - and I'm not certain I could handle the pressure if I did.

But turnabout is fair play:  I rarely leave comments myself. I feel odd when I do leave them, as if I've joined in on a conversation that I wasn't really invited to. Why would this person want my kudos or questions or suggestions? For all they know, I could be a four hundred pound gorilla that a zookeeper taught to type. The world of blogging seems very distant and cold.

So why do I do it?

Primarily because I'm a writer. I have almost always been a writer. As soon as I could construct sentences with a pencil, I began constructing stories.

Writing is the most consistent thing I have ever done. Whenever something happens to me, my initial urge is to put it in writing somewhere. I tell more secrets via writing than I ever do vocally.

So I'll keep this blog. I'll try not to let the silent stretches go on for too long. I'll try not to analyze the lack of comments as silent indifference, or let it be too frustrating.

I'll keep writing for the reason I started in the first place:

Because I'm a writer.

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